Posted by: alainnneart | July 11, 2009

May you find some comfort here (part II)

Being on call is always a strange balance beam to walk.  You are awake at odd hours, dealing with crisis more oft then not.

This time was no different.  I will not talk of them here, but it was a hellish night.  Disaster after disaster, baptism by fire, I come home exhausted in time to see SC eating breakfast with “uncle john”, who was drinking coffee from my “Brown Mom” mug, and reading the comics from the Chronicle.  It was almost too perfect; it made me smile at what could have been in my life.

SC saw me and instantly started to pout.  He whined, “You were gone again.”  How do you explain to a four year old that you work odd hours to keep him safe and comfortable in our lives?  Can you justify things that you do for the love of a child?

A tantrum occurred right after John left, and I realize that even though SC is now in school, he is still young.  He still has his moments.  For three hours, he screamed and cried and tantrum.  I ignored him while flailing.  Call me a bad mother, but that is what I chose to do.

Long after SC made it to school, I came home and cried.  There is only so much that a person can handle.  And when the tears of regret, remorse and failure stopped coming, and the hiccups subsided I looked up to see something under my calendar.

A small blue envelope was sitting on table, peaking out shyly from beneath the colorful picture of Greek Islands in July.  I looked at the envelope and picked it up gently. My name was on the front in handwriting I did not recognize. I opened it.

Inside was a small card with a blue flower on the front.  Inside, simply written, “Al, you have a big heart and that is your gift. Never forget it.”

No signature.  But it came right when I needed it to.



  1. That’s awesome. Only special people take the time to write such notes and send them. I’m glad you have someone like that in your life.

    I would have ignored it, too; that’s what good parents do. Three hours, though? I hope you made him take it to his room! 🙂

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