Posted by: alainnneart | June 23, 2009

but all i’ve ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

I guess all my concerns from yesterday mean nothing today because, as always the case with this middle aged lady, I was dumped via email at around 2pm today.

the reason? “not ready to be a father.”

(“I also feel like at this time I need to let you know that I don’t think I can get into anything serious right now with you. I thought I would be alright with you having a son, but the past few weeks it’s become obvious to me that I’m not ready for that. I’m sorry, you are a wonderful person and totally deserve someone who is ready to share your life fully! I know, I’m a total loser”)

Excuse me? Let it be known now that Gent never met SC. I never let him. My reasoning for this was a sound reason that any mother would tell you: your children are your life. You want to protect them from everything. You want them happy, safe, and secure. you want to be sure that no one will harm them EVER.

When you are dating, this is double the reason why one might say I am over protective. I don’t talk about SC’s father because there is nothing to say. I could delve into all the reasons why I have custody of SC and he does not, but I won’t. SC is approaching 5 and the kid knows all the reasons why. I don’t have to tell him. he’s intuitive that way.

But no, I am not going to let a man I date meet SC until I am good and ready. We don’t need another absent father figure. I never have my hopes up because it’s the easiest way to get disappointed. Yet, even with all the barriers I put up, I am disappointed. But my friend Lara has a point “If they are in the middle age years and they have not been married and divorced, then there is something wrong with them.”

I laugh, but she does indeed have a point. what’s disappointing, I believe, is that someone can not understand that SC is an extension of me. In the peter pan mind of men, they want to be first in your life. They want to have the thought that you have only been with them. That you have only fallen in love with them. That you are there priority.

That is NEVER going to be the way it is. It’s the “Virgin myth” I don’t fit. I have an adorable child who I think about all the time. I talk about SC all the time. To try to have a date without mentioning my child is filled with awkward silences and stalled conversations. It would be like having an appendage amputated. SC is an extension of me.

So my take on this whole thing? His fucking loss.



  1. Good for you; it IS his loss. The only man who fits your expectations is a man who has a small child of his own, I think. Bravo on using your head on maintaining boundaries for your son.

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