Posted by: alainnneart | September 4, 2008

the night sets softly on the hush of falling leaves…

There is something about today.  I am not quite how to express it.  It was amazing, again, in the city.  As typical as it is, the Indian Summers here always seem to amazing me with their exasperating and yet sexy heat.  It creeps behind you, like a lover waiting for the surprise, and then encompasses you completely until you are over whelmed by the passion of it.

And yet, with the heat, comes the night fall and the temperature relapses like a drug addict into cooler climates incisively nagging at you to get your sweatshirt out.  I can hear the foghorns beginning their low rumble in the night.  The sound is haunting and soothing at the same time to me.  It echoes throughout the city, reminding us where we call our home.

Today was also strange for work.  Again, the ability to express what I was thinking about it has escaped me.  It was like that phrase, on the tip of your tongue, you so boisterously wanted to shout at the world but it vanished before you could put it properly together in a coherent way of expression instead of the tangential muttering you are accustomed to using.

Perhaps the feeling was just being uninspired at work today, after coming back from a four day weekend.  Having the three-day as the reward for having a four-day weekend seems meaningless.  Strange, my life seems to be in slow motion, possibly brought n by the stale heat the resonated.

I think the dirty truth is that when I stop to think about it, I have no real friends.  Sure, I have colleagues, all who are about 30 years older then me.  Sure, I have my “mommy” friends, but our lives are based around the kids.  I have MG, who sees me more as a lover then anything else.  I miss the baseline feeling of being in love with someone and having those long conversations in coffee houses with my best girlfriends where we would simply converse about anything and everything in an unending stream of babbling like some crazy teenagers.  I miss it.

I think this may all be in response to having to meet with my bosses and the union reps tomorrow to see if I am fired or not.  I have been busting my ass left and right.  I feel as thought I have shown great improvement.  And I don’t believe they have grounds to fire me.  However, there is always this nagging feeling.  But I need to hold strong, raise my head high, and remind them that I am better then anything they have seen or will see in this position.  Still, I think I should pray.


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